Changes Part 1 Revenge?
by Kethry47
Summary: Samantha Carter has an unexpected date and suddenly she realizes she might actually be in love, as unlikely as that might be considering who ...


AUTHORS NOTES: One day, years ago, several Stargate fans talked about possible and impossible relationships on our favourite show, SG1. In the course of this chat, the name Makepeace fell, to be immediately ridiculed. I am and always will be a fan of this ill-fated Marine, and I simply had to defend him. Someone said it couldn't be done, so I set out to prove them wrong.

This story is set after "100 Days" ..... and "Shades of Grey" has not yet happened.

I know that it took TPTB a long time to acknowledge that there might be more between Sam Carter and Jack O'Neill than being team mates. The Sam/Jack shippers knew it from the beginning and acted upon it. *S* Since this story could never have happened in the official Stargate universe, I have to call it an AU story, though I prefer to simply let *my* reality branch off from that other.

FEEDBACK: Let me know what you think, but please keep in mind that this was my first attempt not only at writing a Stargate fic, but also at writing a romance. I probably broke more rules than any relationship between Sam and Jack ever could.

**Changes Part 1: REVENGE?**

SPOILERS: 100 Days, CotG

CATEGORY: Romance

SUMMARY: Samantha Carter has an unexpected date and suddenly she realizes she might actually be in love, as unlikely as that might be considering who ...

TIMEFRAME: after 100 Days

"We show our faces to the world, but our hearts to only a chosen few."

REVENGE?

_'Could it be true? ... Was she really in love? ... In love with __**him**__? ... No! …No, it couldn't be…. It was impossible! … It was against … , against __**everything**__! … But why was she feeling like this? …It couldn't be true, could it?…Was this love?… But if she was in love with him - if it was true - __**how**__ had it happened?'_

Samantha Carter sat in her lab, overwhelmed by her discovery. Overwhelmed and confused.

Her thoughts went back in time, to the moment it had all started.

About five weeks earlier

"Hey, Carter, it's 6.30. There's not much left of the day. So we're off. Are you coming, too?" Colonel Jack O'Neill stood in the door of the lab, looking at her questioningly. He had already changed into jeans and T-shirt and was obviously about to leave the base.

"We're going for a drink and then to grab some food at 'Joe's' famous diner afterwards. How about it? Wanna join us?" Behind him in the corridor she could see Daniel and Teal'c, both of them in civilian clothes as well.

"Umm, no. No, thanks, sir." She hesitated. "I can't. ... I've... I've got a date." Why did she feel so apologetic? Why did she feel as if she was doing something wrong? Damn - she had the right to have a date, hadn't she? Even if it wasn't true - but he didn't have to know that, now, did he? At the colonel's perplexed expression, she almost blushed.

"Wow, a date? Anybody we know?" Oblivious to what was going on inside her, Jack grinned and turned around to Daniel and Teal'c, winking at them.

That did it! He might be her CO, but what right had this overbearing, ungrateful, annoying, smug, miserable excuse of a ... **man** ... to smirk at the idea of her having a date? **He** never said 'no' to what was offered, did he?

"Yes!" she said decisively. Sam knew her anger was irrational, but she couldn't help it. She felt dangerous fire lighting up her eyes. "A date, sir! And I don't think it is any of your ..."

"Oh, Jack." Daniel interrupted her, this once recognizing danger when it looked him right in the face. "I think we'd better hurry. All the best places will soon be taken at 'Joe's'. You know today is his specialties night. And if Sam can't make it anyway...." He let the sentence trail off, smiling his innocent, little-boy smile, hoping to distract Jack long enough, so he wouldn't take up his earlier train of thoughts.

For a moment Jack O'Neill hesitated. Then he looked into Sam's glaring eyes and he seemed to shrug mentally. He stepped back into the corridor.

"'kay, let's go!" He turned around one last time, the grin on his face back again. "Have fun!" Then they were gone.

And Sam felt like smashing something. She grabbed the bottled water she'd taken down with her after lunch and forgotten about and hurled it against the wall next to the doorframe.

"Oops!" A deep voice said as the shards and splinters flew all around the man filling the doorway, the water splashing his booted feet in the process. "I know you're not exactly a fan of mine, but what did I ever do to warrant **that**?"

"Oh!" Sam looked up, startled out of her anger. A blush crept up into her cheeks. "I'm sorry, sir. I didn't.... I wasn't.... I mean I....." she stammered, swallowing, her eyes wide. Then she simply took refuge in silence - for once at a loss for words. She was too embarrassed that out of all the people in the base, it just had to be Colonel Makepeace who had witnessed her outburst. He wasn't the worst she could think of as a target, but right now, only General Hammond came to her mind as being a worse choice to have come upon this unmilitary display of her emotions. Damn!

Quickly she turned around to get a broom and a tray, to clean away the mess. She knelt down and awkwardly started gathering the bigger shards onto the tray.

"Here, let me help you." Calloused hands took the tray out of her slightly trembling fingers. "Just brush everything onto this and we'll get rid of it soon enough."

Colonel Robert Makepeace actually squatted down in front of her, holding out the tray, waiting for her to wipe the mess up.

Incredulously, she could only stare at the sight in front of her.

At her hesitation, he suddenly looked up, one eyebrow rising, a question on his face. "What's wrong? Did you hurt yourself on one of those shards? They are damned sharp, I guess, and can do a lot of damage." Concerned, his eyes inspected her hands.

"Uh - no, nothing. It's alright. I'm fine. There's nothing wrong. Really, I'm fine." Sam started sweeping carefully. Great, now she was babbling. What next?

She was about to get another surprise.

"So, now, Major Carter, that only leaves one question." Sam winced_. 'Of course, now I'll get the lecture on proper military behavior and probably a snipe or two at SG1 as well.'_ She straightened her shoulders, determined to accept the blame she deserved, but nothing else.

"What are you going to do to make this up to me?"

Startled, Sam looked up into his eyes. She felt like pinching herself.

This was Colonel Makepeace! Of SG-3! The team with more successful missions than any other SG team, - except for SG-1, of course. Which made him something like a 'natural rival' of her CO. Someone who was at odds with O'Neill more times than not. And he was asking her **what**?

"I mean, you really owe me some kind of an apology, don't you?" Robert Makepeace glanced at SG-1's major/genius, with a hint of a smile beginning to flit over his normally so serious face. He emptied the remains of the smashed bottle into a waste-basket. "I was innocently walking around the base; and you used me for target practice and drenched me and almost made me a hospital case. And none of it because of any fault of mine." His eyebrows moved again.

_'As expressionless as his face usually is, today he's almost blabbing with facial expressions.' _Sam thought almost absently.

"Well?" He was still waiting for her answer.

"Uhh, sir. I don't know...." She didn't often find herself in a situation like this. For the second time in the space of a few minutes, Sam didn't know what to say.

"How about having dinner with me tonight?"

Dinner?... With Colonel Makepeace?... Tonight?

Sam swallowed and before she knew what was happening she heard herself reply, "I'd love to, sir."

"Good, I'll come fetch you from your place in about an hour. Think that'll be enough time?" He turned, about to leave the lab again.

"Sure, sir. No problem."

"Fine. See you then."

Sam stared after his retreating back.

She pinched herself.

Ouch! ...... That had hurt! .... So, she hadn't been dreaming.

She put the broom away.

She had a date??? ... She had a date!!! ... ???

* * * * *

"Well? That really wasn't so bad, was it?" Robert Makepeace smiled down at Sam. They stood in front of her house, at the open door, the night already well-advanced.

She couldn't help smiling back. "No, it wasn't. It wasn't bad at all," Sam answered him truthfully. She liked his smile. He had smiled a lot this evening, and so had she. She could honestly say she had enjoyed herself very much in his company. Off base he was amazingly different from the hard, laconic and often sarcastic leader of SG-3. They had had dinner at an exclusive restaurant and had gone dancing afterwards.

"It was a wonderful evening. Thank you very much, Robert." It still felt strange, calling him that. But he had insisted right after the first "Colonel Makepeace" that she call him by his first name. This was supposed to be a date, not a military mission, he'd told her. Consequently, first names weren't against regulations. ... Had he been making fun of her then? Maybe, ... she didn't care. He had been fun to be with.

"I wasn't sure you'd really come with me when I arrived tonight," he suddenly confessed. "You looked like you were having a serious case of second thoughts."

"Well, maybe I was," Sam admitted with a sheepish smile. "Suddenly I wasn't at all sure accepting your invitation was such a good idea."

"Why? Were you afraid one of your flyboys might see you fraternizing with a Marine?"

Uncertainly, Sam looked at him. That rare smile was lighting up his face again. Thank God, he had no idea why she had gone out with him in the first place. She wasn't sure she knew the exact reason herself. Not anymore. And right now she didn't want to dwell on it. Everything had changed.

"Careful, I **am** one of those flyboys," she answered mischievously. "And besides, girls always get warned about going out with Marines. It seems your lot can't be trusted."

"Can't be trusted to do what?" There was now a distinct and unmistakable twinkle in his eyes. He stepped closer, and suddenly Sam knew that she didn't want to go further. Not yet, anyway. This was getting too dangerous right now.

She backed away slightly and glanced at him, serious again. Apologetically, she told him, "I'm sorry, Robert. I shouldn't have said that. I..." She hesitated, searching for the right words.

Before she could continue, though, Makepeace had taken a step back again. He scrutinized her face thoughtfully.

Then, chuckling softly, he replied, "It's alright. I understand. ... We always get bad-mouthed - especially by those flyboys." He shrugged, his eyes twinkling again. "It's plain jealousy, you know. We Marines are so much better-looking that they don't stand a chance with a pretty girl when one of us is around, and they know it." He winked at her and she simply had to laugh at his quip, just as he had intended her to.

"I'd better go now, Sam." He smiled again. "I have enjoyed this evening very much and I'd be very happy, if we could repeat it some time. ... What do you say?"

"Yes, I'd like that, too. Very much so." Sam meant it and she wanted him to know it.

"Good!" He gave her a quick peck on the cheek. "Night, Sam."

"Good night, Robert. Thank you." Sam watched him walk the few steps to his car, get in and drive away.

Her date was over. And all of a sudden she felt very much alone.

And very confused.

* * * * *

About five weeks later

"Sam, have you heard?" As usual Daniel came storming into the lab without checking first whether she could be interrupted or not. Sam sighed. "No?"

Before she could go on and ask him what she was supposed to have heard, he blurted his news out.

"SG-3 are back. They had a difficult one. Their mission must have gone sour right from the beginning. It seems they had the misfortune to run into a bunch of Jaffa who were 'recruiting' on the planet SG-3 was assigned to. Someone told me they were shot up pretty badly and barely made it home. Colonel Makepeace...."

Daniel was imparting his news to the empty air of the lab. Sam had taken off like lightning, running in the direction of the infirmary.

SG-3 shot up pretty badly ... and what had Daniel been saying about Robert? ... It didn't matter. She had to find out the truth for herself.

When she arrived at the closed door to the infirmary, the space in front of it was buzzing with various SGC personnel, Jack O'Neill among them. She made her way up to him through the throng. "Sir, what happened? Daniel said SG-3 met up with a party of Jaffa and got badly hurt?"

"Yeah." Jack ran a hand through his already unruly hair and glanced at the closed door with a worried frown. A shot-up SG team was bad news for everybody.

A sudden commotion at the far end of the corridor made him look up. The assembled crowd shifted to let General Hammond through. He looked at O'Neill inquiringly. "What happened? You were in the control room when they got back, weren't you, Colonel?"

"Yes, sir." Jack O'Neill turned to him with a sigh, recalling the sight that had met them when SG-3 had stumbled back through the Gate.

"One of the men seemed in a very bad shape, Johnson was carrying him in. The other, I think it was Edelman - it was a bit difficult to recognize him because of all the blood on his face - dragged Colonel Makepeace with him. Seems like Makepeace was unconscious. I don't know how bad he got hit. I don't think Johnson and Edelman got away unscathed, but, at least, they were still on their own two feet. That's all I can tell you, sir." He stopped his make-shift report and nodded at the infirmary door. "Doc Fraiser and her people are working on them right now. She told us to keep out unless it was another emergency."

They all gave the infirmary door another glance; as if hoping its gray metal would provide the information they were waiting for.

Finally, the general cleared his throat. "Okay, everybody, I'm sure you've all got things to do. Doctor Fraiser will let us know when she has got something to report." At his pointed glance the crowd dispersed, albeit reluctantly.

"Colonel O'Neill!" General Hammond was gesturing for the colonel to follow him. "Let's take a look at what the MALP shows."

That left Sam almost all alone now in front of the infirmary. Helplessly she looked at the door, desperately wishing for it to open. She had to know, she just had to! What was wrong with Robert? How badly was he hurt? ... What if...?

There was one other who still hadn't followed the general's order and he came up to her now, touching her lightly on her arm.

"Sam?" Startled out of her apprehensive thoughts, she looked up into Daniel's worried eyes. "Are you alright?" Maybe what he'd heard about her and Colonel Makepeace was true after all. She looked too shocked for just the normal worry about a fellow SG-team. "Why don't we leave, too? Janet will let us know when they've taken care of everybody."

Sam still didn't budge.

Daniel took her arm. She looked so .... so lost.

"Come on, there's nothing we can do. They'll probably be in there for hours. ... We've still got to examine that artifact we brought back from P3X957 last week - you know, the one you thought might be a generator of some kind."

He dragged her on, and reluctantly she followed him, throwing one last forlorn look at the gray metal door that hid the answers to her questions.

* * * * *

Sam carefully straightened her back, wincing as the cramped muscles protested. She looked to the door as she had for about a hundred times during the past two hours that she and Daniel had been working in the lab.

_She couldn't wait any longer. She just had to know!_

Sam took a deep breath, squared her shoulders and marched to the door.

"Sam? Where are you going?" With a bewildered frown, Daniel watched her.

"To see Janet. My head hurts and I need some pills to take away the pain." Sam sounded very determined. _She'd get her answers this time._

* * * * *

The door to the infirmary was no longer closed. Sam could see General Hammond and Colonel O'Neill inside, in one of the side rooms reserved for serious-case patients, talking to Janet Fraiser.

Slowly Sam stepped through the door into the big examination room.

"So, you'd say we better mark this planet as 'under Goa'uld control', Colonel?" The general turned to someone Sam couldn't see from where she stood. But she knew the voice that answered the general.

"Yes, sir. I'd definitely recommend that. Those Jaffa seemed to be well established. No use looking for allies there."

He was alive!

Suddenly Janet noticed her.

"Hi Sam! Come on in. Is there anything I can do for you?"

The general and Colonel O'Neill turned around, looking at her. Sam felt herself blush.

She took a step forward.

"Ahem, I was working on a project with Daniel for the last two hours, and now I've got a terrible headache. I was just wondering whether you had any painkillers for me." It sounded pretty lame to her, and Janet gave her a strange look, but the two men didn't seem to notice anything untoward.

"Working with Daniel does that to the best of us," Jack quipped. He stepped aside to let Janet pass, and now Sam could see Colonel Makepeace half lying, half sitting in a hospital bed next to the general. He looked terribly exhausted, his head and upper body swathed in bandages and one bandaged leg propped up on a cushion He was hooked up to several medical scanners and drip feeds.

Noticing Sam's glance O'Neill nodded at Makepeace. "Whadda you think of our hero here? Not exactly a pretty sight, huh? He and Harris kept Doc Fraiser and her folks pretty busy. But she says they'll live." His face took on a mock mournful expression, but at the general's disapproving frown he quickly rearranged his features back into the 'normal' O'Neill look. "What was it you said, Doc? Something about 'guardian angels working overtime'?"

"I'm glad, sir," Sam said, biting her lower lip. She turned to Makepeace. "I'm sorry your mission went wrong, sir. How are the others?"

"Thanks for asking, Major Carter. Doctor Fraiser tells me we've all been very lucky." Makepeace tried to shift on the bed, but immediately gave up on the attempt when a bout of pain hit him. Gasping, he sucked in a great gulp of air and fell back against the pillow, biting his lip, his face racked with pain, sweat breaking out all over his body.

"Colonel Makepeace! I told you not to move. Just because I have you off the operating table, it doesn't mean you can go gallivanting around again yet," Janet admonished the colonel sharply. Next she glared at the two commanding officers of the SGC.

"If you've quite finished, General, Colonel, I'd like you both to leave. Colonel Makepeace needs his rest. He can't tell you anything that Lieutenant Johnson or Private Edelman couldn't tell you as well. And **they **are much better off than the colonel." As usual, the petite woman exerted her medical authority without regard to any objections from either patient or commanding officer. She shooed O'Neill and Hammond out of the infirmary and firmly closed the door behind them with a sigh. "Men!"

"And you, Colonel Makepeace," she turned to the man in the bed, who was obviously losing the fight with another wave of pain and dizziness, "you will lie still and let the painkillers and antibiotics do their work. I'll repeat it for you as you didn't seem to have listened to me the first time. You almost lost your leg, you've got a severe concussion along with a busted rib and an assortment of nasty wounds all over various parts of your anatomy - from those staff weapons, if you remember. There is nothing you can do at the moment, but let the medication and Mother Nature do their work and get well again. So, I suggest you concentrate on that."

"Doctor Fraiser!" A medical orderly called and motioned her to join him at the door to the next room. Janet listened to him for a moment and turned back to Sam, who was still standing indecisively in the infirmary.

"Sam, I've got to go. Here are your pills. Take two now and if they don't do the job, you'd better see me again. You don't look too good." She gave her friend another concerned look as she handed a small bottle of pills over to her.

"You're sure, it's just a headache?" At Sam's affirmative nod she smiled and patted her arm. "You know where to find me." She took up some charts and turned to the waiting orderly. "Oh, and Sam, when you leave, please, close the door. I don't think Colonel Makepeace needs any more visitors right now." With that she was gone.

"Yes, of course, I'll leave right away." Sam turned to go, too, when a movement from Makepeace stopped her. He tried to smile through his pain and blew her a kiss.

They were alone.

She smiled back at him, relieved to see him in relatively good spirits.

He beckoned her over. After a cursory glance around her, she went to his side, taking a hold of his unbandaged left hand.

"Hey, Sam," he said softly. "You okay?"

"I've been so worried. Nobody would tell us how badly you were hurt. I wasn't even sure, you'd..." She broke off, biting her lower lip.

"...I'd still be alive?" He finished the sentence for her. "Hey!" He gently squeezed her hand. "I'm a Marine, remember? We're a tough bunch. It takes more than just a couple of Jaffa to kill me. I'll be out of here in next to no time, you'll see."

He gave her a reassuring smile. "I'm only sorry about this weekend. I don't think Doc Fraiser is gonna let me go to Disneyland." He sighed dramatically. "I swear she's a real dragon, that one. ...." His smile took the sting out of his words. "But a very good doctor. They said she saved Harris. A couple of those bastards shot their damned staff weapons off at him." For a moment his face lost all expression, and then it darkened at the memory. "He'll make it, though. She doesn't give up easily."

He looked up at Sam again. "We'll have to wait a while for that ride through the Haunted House, sorry Sam."

"I never said I'd do the Haunted House," Sam protested. "That was your idea. You just wanted to get me in there so you could kiss me in the dark."

"Plan ahead! You know me.... Ahhh!" Another spasm of pain contorted his face.

Guiltily, Sam let go of his hand. "I'd better go now. Janet said you need the rest."

"Sam?" he asked through clenched teeth.

"Yes?"

"Love you."

"I love you, too." As soon as she had said the words she realized that she meant them. _'She really was in love with Robert Makepeace.'_

It was true.

* * * * *

Daniel had been watching Sam for almost half an hour, off and on, now. When she had come back from the infirmary she had had the strangest expression on her face, as if something monumental had happened to her. Now she just sat there at the lab table and stared ahead into the empty space in front of her. What was the matter with her? It had to do with Colonel Makepeace, of that he was sure. But what was it? It couldn't be…, could it?

* * * * *

Sam didn't know exactly what was going on. She had just told Robert that she loved him and it had felt so right when she had said it. Then why did she feel so ... so confused? What was wrong with her?

She had been seeing him regularly during the past five weeks; whenever their duties had left them some off-time together.

Her constant unavailability had earned her some strange looks and comments from both Daniel and the colonel, but, hell, they didn't own her, did they? What she did with her free time and who she spent it with was her own business. Just because she had spent much of it with them in the past, didn't mean she'd have to do so always. Things changed. People changed. She wasn't the only one. She hadn't even changed **first**.

"Sam?"

"Huh?" Daniel's question broke her out of her musings.

"Do you think we're finished here for the day?"

Taken aback, she looked around her. The project. The would-be generator that had turned out to be nothing but a simple recording device. Daniel had been thrilled to discover it held records of the lost civilization of P3X957.

"Oh sure, sorry Daniel. Yes, I think we're finished with it." She smiled. "It's all yours now."

"Great! Then let's call it a day and go home." He looked at her hopefully.

"Yeah, why not. There's nothing more we can do with it anyway." She stood up and shut off the power supply to her doohickeys, as the colonel always called them.

Maybe at home she'd find the time to sort out her feelings a bit better. Find the truth.

* * * * *

_Ten days later_

"Cry-baby!"

*Whamm!*

"And a grumpy one at that." With a laugh Sam dodged another missile aimed for her head. "You're sure hard on those poor books. I got them for you so you'd not be bored out of your mind when I'm on duty, not to use as ammo."

She stood in her living-room, fondly watching the man on the sofa struggle with his crutches. By now she knew better than to offer her help.

Janet had been right, he really wasn't an easy patient. After a week of constant grumbling and grouching, Janet had finally thrown him out of the infirmary.

And now Robert Makepeace divided his time between Sam's house and his apartment. And she was the one who had to listen to his nagging. He was **not** a happy man at the moment. Granted, his injuries were healing nicely. But no way fast enough for him. Janet had insisted he'd use the crutches for at least another week.

"You want to walk with a limp from now on, no problem, you can leave them here." She had simply told him when he'd refused to take the crutches with him. So the crutches came along. As did his temper.

Involuntarily, Sam sighed.

At the sound he looked up and, correctly interpreting her expression, he smiled contritely.

"Sorry Sam, I'm a righteous bastard, I know, and you deserve better than that after a hard day. ... Want me to leave?"

Before she had a chance to answer him, the doorbell rang. Loud voices could be heard arguing outside. Familiar voices.

Sam hesitated.

The bell rang again. More insistently this time.

"They don't know about me, - about us, do they?" Robert asked softly.

She looked at him. He stood at the sliding doors, balanced on his crutches, his face giving away nothing.

"I'll just leave through the back door, if you want to keep it that way," he offered in the same expressionless voice.

That decided her. She went to the door and threw it open, just as Jack O'Neill pushed the bell for the third time.

"Oh, there you are! I was right, Daniel!" With a triumphant grin he turned to the archeologist. "She's at home."

"Hi Sam," Daniel greeted her weakly.

"Yeah, hi Sam." Jack mimicked, rolling his eyes at him. "Come on, Carter, it's the first Friday of the month. You know we always go to Teal'c's...." He let the sentence trail off, when he caught sight of the man behind Sam.

"Makepeace?"

Incredulously, he looked from the CO of SG-3 to Sam.

"What's **he** doing here?"

"What makes you think it's any of your business, O'Neill?" Robert answered before Sam could say anything.

"Carter?"

The colonel looked at her with the most peculiar expression. She still couldn't find anything to say. She just returned his look, - defiantly.

Daniel took Jack's arm, trying to pull him away. "Maybe it's better if we ... ahem. .... Jack, .... we'd better go, ... don't you think ... ?"

Without taking his eyes off Sam, Jack shook off Daniel's hand.

"Makepeace? ... **You** and Makepeace?"

Still nothing from Sam.

"God above! ... **Makepeace**, of all people!" He snorted derisively. "I would have thought you had better taste. Couldn't you find somebody a bit more ... I don't know ... somebody **else**?" He gestured vaguely.

Suddenly Sam seemed to have found her voice again. "Since when do I have to ask you who I see? And what right do **you** have to question **my** taste?"

"Oh, come on now, Carter! ... I mean, ... **Makepeace**!" Jack was almost shouting the name.

"Back off, O'Neill!" Robert had come up to the door as well. "What Sam does in her free time is none of your business. She does have the right to a life of her own, you know. Leave her alone."

"You keep out of this, Makepeace. This is between Carter and me and nobody else. The last thing I need is for some smart-aleck Marine to tell me what to do."

"Dammit, O'Neill." Robert tried to take another step forward, but Sam was blocking his path.

"No! **Stop it**! Both of you! ... I want you to leave, Colonel. ... Now!" She glared at him. "I don't question the decisions of your private life and **mine** is not open for discussion. Not by **you** ... or by anybody else. ... Go!"

Sam held on to the door so hard her knuckles were showing white through the skin.

Jack could only stare at her, disbelieving. "Carter." Was he pleading? "Well, don't ..." He left the sentence unfinished, a helpless look suddenly emerging on his face. He turned to Daniel.

Deeply embarrassed, Daniel just shrugged. "Uhm,... Jack, let's ... well, let's go."

With a last, bewildered look at Sam's face, Jack turned around and reluctantly followed Daniel down the path.

Shaking all over, Sam closed the door, leaning against it heavily. Abruptly she started to cry.

Robert Makepeace watched her, his face an inscrutable mask.

"Sam?"

She lifted her eyes up to him; the tears streaming down her face unheeded.

"It's him, isn't it? ... O'Neill?" His eyes were pleading with her to say 'no'. But she couldn't say it, she couldn't tell him something, she didn't know herself.

He saw the answer in her eyes.

"Were you seeing me just to spite him? Tell me, Sam!" he demanded roughly.

She didn't answer.

"It was always him, wasn't it? ... When he came back from Edora you were mad at him? I heard about this woman he had shacked up with there, this Laira. ... That hurt, didn't it, and you decided to pay him back. ... Enter one Robert Makepeace. The perfect choice to get your revenge. Right? That was all I ever meant to you, wasn't it - nothing more than a means to get back at him."

He sounded so bitter; his eyes reflecting so much pain, that Sam's heart went out to him and whatever else she might have wanted to say simply stuck in her throat. "Robert…" she whispered through her tears.

"When you said you loved me, I believed you. I thought you really meant it. I thought all the rumors about the two of you were just that - rumors. ... I was so happy. ... **God!** I was a damn' fool."

"No, Robert, no! Please! Don't say that! ... I meant what I said. I really did. I swear it, Robert, I swear it."

"Don't, Sam. Please, don't lie to me. ... Don't make things worse with lying now."

"Robert... I ... ."

"No, Sam, I think I'd better go now. ... Good-bye, Sam."

He ignored her hand which was pleading with him to stay, to let her explain, and awkwardly turned to the door and opened it. Sobbing uncontrollably, she watched him maneuver the crutches along the gravel path. Then she fled into her bedroom to throw herself on the bed and let the tears flow on, until finally - a long time later - she couldn't cry anymore.

* * * * *

Jack O'Neill sat in his living-room, nursing another large whisky. He had given up counting how many it had been. When Daniel had left - reluctantly - he had taken out the bottle and hadn't stopped drinking, - with absolutely no effect.

Carter and Makepeace! Carter and Makepeace!

It was like a canon that he couldn't get out of his mind.

Makepeace! Why Makepeace?

To be fair, Makepeace was a good man, a very good soldier, an excellent team leader. .The bastard had saved their asses more times than he cared to remember.

It wasn't anything personal. ... Okay, Makepeace wasn't exactly what he would call a close friend, but he respected the man. You couldn't help but respect a guy who came out into a no-win situation to rescue you and your team, - even if he had got caught in the end and had needed help to get out alive himself. But he had come, knowing the risk.

They sometimes didn't agree on how missions ought to be conducted. He was too much of a typical jarhead for Jack's liking. His own approach to the Stargate program just was too different. Makepeace went out to get the job done and to see that his people got home safely. Jack also saw the excitement of meeting new people, discovering new worlds, being the first to bring news of strange things and people back to Earth; he was fascinated by the whole thing - though he'd never openly admit that to anybody.

Many people at the SGC said Makepeace was a stickler for military regulations, but Jack knew better. You simply did not get very far in this job if you stuck to the regulations all the time. ... Hell, for most of the things they met out there, there **weren't** any regulations. Going by the book didn't work, when the book hadn't been written yet.

So, what was the problem? Why had seeing Carter with Makepeace come as such a shock to him?

She was right, she could see who she wanted, do what she wanted, and with whom she wanted to do it.

Seeing Makepeace wasn't even against the regulations, at least not really. He wasn't Air Force and he wasn't her commanding officer, either.

There was absolutely nothing wrong with them seeing each other.

Was there?

* * * * *

_Three days later_

Sam had agreed to have lunch with Janet, but Janet had called her from the infirmary, saying she couldn't leave right now and would she, please, come keep her company and bring some food. So Sam was carefully balancing a laden tray through the door of the infirmary, depositing it on an examination table without much ado.

"You have saved my life, Sam. Thanks." Janet sounded exhausted ... and looked it, too. She really needed to go home and get a good night's sleep, instead of sneaking all those naps on the hard hospital berths.

With a sigh Janet stretched her aching muscles, turned around and set her eyes on her friend for the first time in days.

"Sam, you look horrible!" she exclaimed.

Sam knew she was right, but she didn't really care. She didn't care about anything much right now.

"What's wrong?"

Recognizing the honest concern in Janet's voice, Sam's resolution to deal with her problems on her own shattered. She couldn't keep it to herself anymore. She finally broke down and told Janet everything. Right up to the moment when Robert had left. She hadn't seen him since then. Twice she had tried to call him, but he hadn't returned her calls, and she hadn't got up the nerve to go to him.

When she had finished, Janet only sighed. She tried not to dwell on the implications of what Sam had told her. She wasn't sure Sam had realized them herself.

"I didn't want this to happen, Janet, honest, I didn't." Sam wiped away a tear and blew her nose. "Robert was right. I used him. ... Under that hard shell of his, he is nice and sensitive and considerate; and I had so much fun being with him, but I used him. ... To show the colonel I didn't care. To … to pay him back for Laira. ...." Glumly she stared at her friend.

"So you hurt them both. And now they are both mad at you." Janet stated the obvious.

"I don't know. I haven't seen either of them. The colonel doesn't have to be back at the SGC until tomorrow and Robert...." She didn't finish the sentence.

"Do you love him?" Janet asked.

"Robert?" Sam shrugged helplessly. "I don't know. I mean I never gave him much thought until he asked me out. And now I only know that I have probably hurt him very much. I didn't want to, but I did. ... What, ... what do you think of him?" She looked at Janet.

Janet smiled. "You mean, do I think he is a 'jarhead', a cold-blooded, heartless, uncaring bastard, like most people seem to think? Do I think he won't suffer from what you did?"

Sam winced.

"No, Sam. I don't think he is heartless or uncaring. I have seen him fret in here when one of his men came back wounded. He wouldn't leave until he was sure everybody was alright. I know that there is much more to Colonel Robert Makepeace than he lets the world see," she answered Sam's question. "And I think that you have hurt him very much," she added softly.

Sam bit her lip. She looked forlorn and utterly crushed.

"Sam? ... What do you want? ... **Who** do you want?"

"Who? ... I don't know. I really don't, Janet. ... What do I want? ... Talk to them, first of all. ... Explain things. ... Make everything all right again."

_'She sounds a lot like 14-year-old Cassie when she struggles with the inexplicable problems our alien world is presenting to her. For all her intelligence, when it comes to matters of the heart, Sam isn't very smart at all,' _Janet thought_. _

She couldn't help her friend _'make things all right again'_, but she couldn't stand seeing her so dejected, either.

"If you really want to talk to Colonel Makepeace, all you've got to do is wait here."

At Sam's uncomprehending glance, she explained. "He has just been here for his weekly check-up. He is in there with Harris now." She indicated a door to a side room. "Cheering him up a bit. The poor guy won't be able to go home for quite a while yet and he's still in a lot of pain. It's left him rather depressed about things. ... Like I said, Colonel Makepeace cares a lot about his people."

Correctly reading the insecurity in Sam's whole demeanor, Janet added, "I can't guarantee he'll talk to you, but maybe he'll listen to what you have to say. You'll never know if you don't try."

* * * * *

Half an hour later Janet and Sam had just finished the last of the food that Sam had brought with her - well, Janet had packed away most of it; Sam hadn't seemed to be very hungry. _'Understandably, under the circumstances,'_ Janet thought as she peeled an orange.

Sam started, when the door she had been covertly watching for most of the past half hour suddenly opened.

_'He looks terrible, almost gaunt,' s_he thought with a twinge of remorse when Robert Makepeace moved himself and his crutches through the door into the infirmary. "See you, Harris. Keep your chin up." He winked back into the room and closed the door.

Then he turned around and caught sight of her. For a moment he stood still, taking in her slumped shoulders, the red-rimmed eyes, the apprehensive way she glanced at him. The usual unreadable mask fell over his face.

"I'll be back in two days, Doc." He addressed Janet, as if by not acknowledging Sam's presence he could make her invisible. He walked a couple of steps to the door when Sam's pleading voice stopped him.

"Robert, please, can I talk to you?"

"What is there to say?" he replied without turning.

"Please, ... I ... I want to explain, make you understand,..." She didn't get any further, because he interrupted her. "Oh, I understand completely. What's there not to understand? You want O'Neill, you wanted him all along and when he strayed, you gave him something of your own in return. You succeeded. End of story."

The bitterness and pain were still there. They were coloring his hoarse voice.

At some time during the past minutes, Janet had discreetly disappeared into her office. They were alone in the room.

Hesitantly Sam stood up and walked up to him. She stopped in front of him. "I know you've got every right to be mad at me, but, please, let me at least try to explain. Please, just **listen**." She swallowed. _How to make him see, make him understand what she wasn't sure she understood herself? _"You were right. When we rescued the Colonel from Edora and I learned he had been living with ... with that Laira, I guess, I sort of … did feel hurt. He didn't even seem glad we had come and that hurt even more. Do you know, he never even **thanked** us?" She stopped when she realized she sounded like a whining child. She took a deep breath.

"Then he simply acted like nothing had happened at all ... and I, … I must have lost it. I guess it was all coming to a climax that day when you came into the lab. When you ... when you asked me out, I accepted. I don't know whether I did it to spite him, or just to prove to myself that I didn't need, I didn't ... . I truly don't know why. I only know that that evening changed everything."

She swallowed again, looking at him hopefully. He was listening, but did he understand?

"Everything that happened between us after that first evening happened because I wanted to be with **you**. It had nothing to do with the Colonel. ... When I told you I loved you, it was true. I meant it; I meant every word I said. You've got to believe me."

He looked at her for the first time, looked into her eyes. He gave a short, hard laugh. "Really?" She could feel his bitterness, and more than a hint of sarcasm hit her like a blow.

Wordlessly she could only nod.

"Then how do you explain what happened the other day? Huh?" he challenged.

"I can't." she whispered.

"Oh, yeah."

When he laughed again and readied his crutches as if to leave, she touched him lightly on his arm, trying to stop him. "I can't explain it, Robert, because I don't really understand it myself. ... Please, believe me. I don't know what I feel for him. I don't know whether I feel anything for anybody at all at the moment. For him or for you.... I'm so confused." It was almost a wail and suddenly, inexplicably, he couldn't help feeling sorry for her. All the anger left him.

"Sam,..." He hesitated, not sure what he wanted to say.

She just looked at him out of those big, blue eyes, eyes that still had their effect on him.

He sighed. "Why don't we just stop this right here, Sam?" he asked, his voice flat and tired. "If we don't, one or both of us are only going to get hurt even worse. I don't want that. ... Not anymore. ... Let's end it."

"And then we simply pick up the pieces and get on with our lives? As if nothing had happened?" she asked in a small voice.

He laughed softly, sadly. "If only it were that easy."

"Robert, I ... ." Her eyes filled with tears again. "Robert, ... help me, please." Finally, the tears were falling, soaking into her uniform shirt. She just stood there like a hurt, lost child.

And he bridged the gap between them and took her into his arms, holding her, stroking her hair and letting her cry against his shoulder.

Neither of them noticed the man watching them from the open door of the infirmary. Slowly, silently, Jack O'Neill closed the door again.

* * * * *

"Jack?"

"Go away, Daniel!"

Jack sat in the drab little room that passed for his office in the SGC, brooding.

"Jack, I ... ." Hesitantly Daniel stepped inside.

"I said, **go away**! Didn't you hear me the first time ... or do I suddenly speak Arabic or some other sort of gibberish?"

"I heard you, Jack, and I would understand you if you spoke Arabic ... or any other language." Carefully Daniel closed the door behind him and took the seat opposite his friend. He didn't even flinch when Jack glared at him angrily.

"Yeah? .... Oh, yeah, ... you would."

Jack stared at Daniel.

Unblinking, Daniel stared back.

Finally, Jack sighed. "Okay, ... what do you want, Daniel?"

"I think you should talk about it, Jack. Bottling it up like this is a mistake."

"**It**?"

The heavy irony simply seemed to bounce off the younger man. His eyes never left Jack's face. All they reflected was honest worry.

Jack closed his eyes, rubbing them tiredly with his hand.

"What if I don't want to talk about **it**?"

Silence.

Jack tried again. "Daniel, I can't talk about it."

"Do you remember how you made me talk about Sha're, when we came back from Abydos? ... We talked the whole night. ... **I** talked the whole night."

"Daniel, .... . That was different."

"Yes, it was." Daniel remarked quietly. "That time it was me having the problem and you doing the listening. Now you have a problem and I'm here to listen. ... I'm your friend, Jack."

For a moment, a long moment, Jack O'Neill didn't say anything. He just looked at Daniel. Then, suddenly, a smile appeared on his face. As smiles go it wasn't much of one, but it definitely **was** a smile.

"Yes, Daniel, you are my friend."

"Then talk to me, Jack. It helps, I promise it does. I **know** it does."

"Yeah?" Jack laughed. It was a bitter sound, full of irony. "How will it help me, if I tell you that I don't understand what's going on? That the thought of Carter together with Makepeace drives me crazy? That I can't get that thought out of my head? That I just saw them together in the infirmary and that, for a second - for just a second - I wanted to kill Makepeace? How is that supposed to help me?"

"And that you might be in with love her?" Daniel added softly.

Jack opened his mouth to deny it ... and closed it again without saying anything. He looked down at the desk in front of him. Then he raised his head and whispered. "And that I might be in love with her. Oh God, that can't happen, Daniel, you know that."

They just looked at each other.

He had said it. He had finally admitted it.

To Daniel.

To himself.

"Have you ever told Sam?" Daniel knew the answer, but, nevertheless, he had to ask the question.

"No. ... I couldn't." He looked up, clutching his glass tightly. "It's wrong! ... She'd laugh at me. She'd be horrified. ... It's against regulations. ... I'm her CO. ... I'm too old. ...I… I couldn't tell her. It would mess everything up."

Daniel knew that he had never seen Jack so helpless before. There was nothing he could do to help him. But he knew the way Jack would have to take.

"Talk to her!"

* * * * *

Sam was at home. She had been so drained, emotionally, that Janet had told her to take the day off, to relax and to try to get rid of all the unresolved issues that were still cluttering up her mind.

So, now she was at home.

Alone.

With too much time on her hands.

Time to think.

She thought about yesterday, about meeting Robert, talking with him. A soft smile played around her lips at the memory.

After the initial confrontation and after she'd finally stopped crying, they had talked for hours. Correction, **she** had done most of the talking. She had told him about things she'd never thought she would tell anybody. It had got them started on the road of rebuilding the trust she had lost with him.

Most of the time, he had simply listened to her pour out her heart to him. To all her confused and confusing thoughts and feelings. He was a good listener. A good man. And she was certain now that, whatever happened, she would always love him.

She was sure now of her feelings and, consequently, was in a much better mood already. She almost felt like her old self again.

The sound of the bell ringing broke into her reverie.

With a sigh - she didn't really want to see anybody; she still had so much to think about, to decide about - she went to the door.

And opened it to reveal Colonel Jack O'Neill. A very nervous, very fidgety Colonel Jack O'Neill.

"Hi."

"Colonel O'Neill?"

"May I come in? ... I'd, uhm ... I'd like to talk to you, uhm, Carter."

Surprised, she opened the door wider and let him in.

He went past her to stand in the middle of the living-room, rubbing his hands along the sides of his trousers nervously.

She closed the door and watched him, bewildered.

"Ah, Carter, I ... ahem, I just ... ." He looked everywhere but at her.

"Sir?"

She obviously wasn't going to make this any easier for him. He took a deep breath, looked at her and took the plunge.

"Carter, I've come to apologize. I behaved like a complete and utter idiot the other day and I'm very, very sorry. I can't tell you how sorry I am. Ahem, maybe, possibly…. Ahem! Could you, ahem, forgive me, Carter?" He rushed through the words like an express train.

Sam opened her mouth to answer him, but he wasn't finished.

"I don't know what came over me. It ... it was just the surprise of .... ahem, of seeing you and Colonel Makepeace ... together ... that .... uhm, ... well ... that did ... it. I mean I wasn't ... " He swallowed, his carefully rehearsed speech slowly disappearing into the deepest recesses of his mind.

"What I mean is ... I never ... I wouldn't ... of course, you can see ... ." He stumbled on until she took pity on him.

"It's alright, sir. I probably should have mentioned it to you and the others, but it simply didn't occur to me."

Oh, it **had** occurred to her, more than once, but she just hadn't known how to break it to them. After all, how did you explain to your supposedly best friends that you were having an affair with their greatest professional rival? So, she had simply 'forgotten' about it.

"Yes, ... well, ... anyway, that's what I wanted to tell you." Jack mumbled. He could still hear Daniel in his mind, urging him to "Talk to her!", but he just couldn't do more, now could he?

Sam was watching him with a strange expression.

She remembered something Robert had said yesterday, something she hadn't been able to get out of her mind ever since. "O'Neill has a thing for you. Everybody can see that. It's an open secret on the base."

She hadn't wanted to believe it, hadn't **dared** to believe it. He had never given her the slightest sign - on the contrary. Edora! Laira!

But Robert had been able to explain that to her as well. "If it had been **me**, out there on a strange planet, with no hope of ever being able to return to Earth, I'd have probably done the same. Being stranded like that already must have been bad enough, but spending the rest of my life all alone - no, I don't think I could have stood that. Just as he couldn't. ... Sam, he's only human."

She had openly stared at him, surprised to hear him say it, to hear him defend Jack to her.

With a dry, humorless chuckle Robert had continued. "Sam, I'm not trying to push you into his arms. That's the very last thing I want, but, hell, I understand him. I don't always agree with him, but I've been there as well. Once again losing everything you care for, without even the slightest indication that things might be reversible, with no hope at all - can you think of anything worse that could happen to anybody, let alone a man like him?"

Robert had given her a lot to think about.

And now Jack O'Neill was here, apologizing for behaving like a ... possibly like a jealous man, a **very** jealous man?

Jack hadn't noticed her preoccupation; he was still too busy trying to find the right words to _'talk to her'_.

"Uhm, yes, Carter, that's what I wanted ... "

She interrupted him. "Why? Why, sir?"

"Ah, ..." He was taken aback. "Because, ... because I care for you. Very much." Damned, he couldn't he just come out and say it, could he? _' Because I love you.'_ The words were burning in his mouth, but he couldn't get them past his lips.

"So does Robert."

Robert? Oh, ... Makepeace. Robert!

"Do you love him?" The words were out before he had a chance to stop them.

"Yes."

"Oh, ... I see."

That was **that**, then.

"The same way I love ... Daniel or Teal'c."

"OH!"

This conversation really was in serious danger of degrading to words of one syllable only - or less.

"Carter?"

She looked at him questioningly.

"Do you forgive me?"

Why had she never noticed how cute he looked when he was sort of begging? "Yes."

He sighed with relief. "Are we okay again?" Tentatively, he smiled at her.

"Okay?" It was what she had asked Robert yesterday, too, after everything had been said, after they had both realized they could probably never be more.

"We're okay," Robert had answered with a sad smile. But the regret in his eyes had quickly turned to a devilish twinkle when he had added: "You must promise me one thing, though. Don't make it too easy for O'Neill. Don't let him off the hook. He deserves to suffer a bit."

Oh, she had no intention of making things easy for Jack O'Neill. She'd let him wriggle for a while, before she reeled him in. Now that she had at least a better idea of what she really wanted. She couldn't help smiling.

"We're good."

Jack noticed the smile, but wasn't sure what to make of it other than that she had forgiven him. They were okay again.

It was a beginning.

And from now on he'd take good care of who he'd let get closer to her. If life had decided to give you a second chance, you'd better not waste it. And she was his teammate, wasn't she? He had a responsibility to take care of her. Right?

He smiled, too.

_'Yes,'_ Sam thought. _' I'll get my revenge. It won't be easy, everything's too complicated. But on the other hand, it might even be fun - for both of us - eventually.'_

_End of part one_

Author's note # 2: I will put up the other 3 parts later this week, as time permits. I need to look them over and possibly weed out some of the worst writing mistakes… or not. I wrote it and even if it wasn't possible or even probable, I had fun writing it and hopefully someone had/will have fun reading it. If not, forgive me for wasting your time.


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